I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
a search helicopter?!
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I love you. Go after that dick
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
