You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
