I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
