after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
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The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
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The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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