girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
