[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
