i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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