I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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