when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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