Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
