she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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