the new term for farting is butt boxing.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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