your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
