man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
