I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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