he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I stole a fireplace last night.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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