Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
