Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
