Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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