Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
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I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
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I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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