next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
