i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
im six kinds of drunk right now
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
