im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
