woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
