i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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