Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
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Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
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so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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