Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
