Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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