i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
