I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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