i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
