I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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