Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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