Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
