So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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