I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
we're chasing vodka with high fives
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
