I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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