Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
