So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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