My first STD was from a foam party
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
