Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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