shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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