He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
