After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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