You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
