i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
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Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
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If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize