that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize
