haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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