Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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