so that wasnt chicken after all
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
