This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
