I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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