My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
