just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You're like the curious george of whores
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
