I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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