if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
