i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
the condom got lost in my hair
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We were destined to go to rehab together
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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