i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
