ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
