Fuck appropriateness.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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