Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
