remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
im six kinds of drunk right now
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
