Can i not drive my cunt home
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
