CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
love makes seman taste better
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
