I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
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