my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
