The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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