I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
