Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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