I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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