tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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