The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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