If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
