drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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