She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
People in love make me want to vomit
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
