Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize