I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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