help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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