so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
