over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
