I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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