32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
